Lessons from Obergefell v. Hodges

As support for gay marriage declines, we’d do well to remember the tenacious principles that afforded us the Obergefell v. Hodges win

Crowd gathered outside the U.S. Supreme Court on June 26, 2015, after the court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, which legalized same-sex marriage across the United States. Photo Phiend/Flickr

The landmark Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges, which in 2015 established the right for same-sex couples to marry across the United States, was not just a victory for LGBT rights; it was and is a testament to the power of the First Amendment. As we reflect on the journey that led to this monumental decision, it is crucial to recognize how freedom of speech was instrumental in this victory, underscoring why the LGBT community, and all advocates for equality, should continue to champion these fundamental rights. Intolerance for dissent has been festering within our community over the past decade—those of us who have raised questions about the direction of the movement have been canceled, berated, and effectively exiled from spaces that once welcomed us with open arms. How have we forgotten so quickly that we fought explicitly for the right to express ourselves freely? Turning our back on those who disagree with us—within and outside of the movement—flies in the face of everything we have accomplished so far. 

The First Amendment protects the rights of individuals to discuss, debate, and disagree, often loudly and publicly. It is these protections that allowed advocates of same-sex marriage to organize, protest, educate, and ultimately persuade both the public and the courts of the justice of our cause. This case exemplifies how free speech is not just a tool for those with whom we agree, but is the very mechanism that permits societal growth and transformation. It’s also what makes conversations and relationships interesting. 

Historically, many social change movements have relied on the robust protections afforded by the First Amendment. The civil rights movements of the 1960s and the women’s rights movements benefitted profoundly from the ability to hold demonstrations, speak freely to the press, and challenge the status quo through spoken and written word. Similarly, the LGBT rights movement has utilized these freedoms to shift public opinion and policy concerning marriage equality. 

However, the path to Obergefell was paved not only with speeches and parades but also with countless personal conversations and engagements with those holding divergent views. Through these engagements, the human stories of love, commitment, and family in the LGBT community came to light, challenging long-held biases and inviting empathy and understanding. LGBT people are, in fact, not a monolith, and many of us actually share values with those who oppose our “lifestyle.” My partner and I regularly attend church on Sundays, for example. It’s the small, normal, everyday acts of public existence and engagement that saw the acceptance of gay marriage increase. In 2022, nearly 71% of Americans were in support of gay marriage. 

This aspect of the journey toward marriage equality illustrates why the LGBT community should remain a steadfast supporter of free speech, even—perhaps especially—when faced with opposing views. Recent polling shows that Americans’ support for gay marriage has dropped for the first time in a decade. Engaging with those we disagree with does not mean conceding our hard-won rights or tolerating discrimination. Rather, it is the only path toward understanding. Those of us within the lesbian community understand better than most how difficult—and necessary—it is to sit down across the table from people who believe your love is illegitimate, immoral, and (should be) illegal. It is only through difficult conversations that we might convince them otherwise. Not through obscene displays of gratuitous promiscuity, angry rants, silencing of dissenters, or name-calling. Engagement does not equal screaming at people. We’re trending in the wrong direction due to a loud minority of hyperbolic activists. Many of us don’t support puberty blockers for minors, men being allowed in women-only spaces, or drag queen story hour for children. We’re right here—if only the world would pay attention. Unfortunately, as the proverbial saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. And our community is suffering because of misguided radicals. 

The bottom line is that the answer to speech that we disagree with is not less communication but more—more dialogue, education, and understanding. There are still those of us willing to engage in such conversations in a civil manner. To show the world that our community, like all communities, is flawed, but worth celebrating. The through line that connects humanity is the desire to love and be loved in return.

As we continue to face challenges and opposition, I’d like us to remember one thing: just as rights can be granted, they can be taken away. Cherish our right to marry. Use it. Be faithful to your spouse and honor your covenant. Build a family if you wish. Show the world that the goal of the gay rights movement remains what we said it was all along—our right to be treated just like everyone else. Though some have certainly lost sight of that, many of us haven’t and can’t wait for the day that we stand before God, friends, and family, and pledge our life to the person we love. Only through brutally honest and compassionate conversations can beliefs be tested in the marketplace of public discourse. The world is watching. Let’s be an example of a group of people who have hard conversations, build happy and fulfilling lives, and forge friendships with people across the aisle. We get to decide who hurts our feelings, and taking the risk is worth the reward. Those who fought for our rights understood this. We would do well not to forget it.

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