This essay was originally published in RealClearPolitics. I love great ideas– especially ideas that help move our world closer to understanding each other's fights for freedom. We all want freedom, but this fact can sometimes be obscured by our differences with other people. For years, this was the main impediment to our society achieving the widespread acceptance of freedom for LGBTQ people. This acceptance finally came when people were able to see that the LGBTQ community only wanted the freedoms that other Americans had. So even though the world feels very divided today, I am encouraged by the increasing awareness and public concern for LGTBQ issues.
Thanks Buck, excellent defense of real diversity. This sort of bullying occurs in the workplace around what you do or do not include in your email signature. When I think of generations of civil rights activists and the sacrifices they made to dismantle every flavor of oppression; I do not think they would support any of the currently popular "progressive" bullying tactics that are everywhere today. I did not March in all those Pride protests and write all those letters to lawmakers to make straight or white or male people scared to be who they are at work. No one should be scared. Vindictiveness is not victory and it is certainly not progress.
The "day of silence" is a curious form of compelled speech--forcing children to come to school and be silent in order to support protection (and be against bullying of) LBGTGIA+ people. Why silence if that's not your preferred way of showing support? And why demand support? Respect is a requirement--accepting and behaving in a friendly manner toward those whose way of life may not be your preferred way is expected. But to compel children either to be silent or to show support in some other way is wrong, morally, and unconstitutional.
Why do we have children involved in any of this? They’re children, leave them alone to be such and stop foisting adult problems on them. That will happen soon enough.
Hey Buck, thank you for sharing these insights! One thing I've noticed about the times our society sets aside for honoring other cultures and identity groups, is that it's so tied up in death, misery, oppression, and shaming. I think this is particularly so in the Trans Community. Rarely does one ever hear the word "trans" mentioned without hearing about violence against the community and references to suicide. I feel like to lesser degrees the stories of other groups are shared with the intent to elicit shame and pity. It almost seems too obvious to need to state it, but this is not a recipe for either spreading joy or intercultural understanding or solidarity. We tend to feel alienated from what (and who) we pity, not closer to it. I always liked the fact that celebrations of gay culture are called "pride." The concept of pride encourages respect and admiration, and although admiration is also still not the same as empathy or solidarity, it's much closer to the mark. The day of silence you describe sounds more grim than the way the Victorians celebrated death, and far more ascetic. Our modern DEI movement promotes stereotypes and creates bigger, more unapproachable taboos than the Victorians ever did. Do we really expect children to behave like monks? It's easy to see how a kid might misconstrue this as punishment, and how instead of respect or understanding, it could very easily create resentment. I could see having a moment of silence at the start of the school day followed by a thoughtful discussion, but an entire day of silence??? Everyone has to dress the same and all are forced to be silent...what a fitting symbol for everything wrong with our society. Instead of kindness, care, listening, individual expression and spontaneous gestures of care we have repressive, solemn conformity. No wonder so many kids are depressed at such a young age. Kids are becoming pawns in adults' twisted political maneuvers and are being asked to bear the cross of the world's problems. These sorts of pity exercises and shaming rituals can only increase the artificial gulf that exists between people. What we need are rituals of joy and attempts to create opportunities for understanding. Again, thank you for pointing this out.
Excellent argument -- as someone who has no issues with the LGBTQ community, I personally would not want to participate in a day of silence because I don’t like to be forced to do anything, even if I support the underlying message. I think my character should be determined by how I treat others not by whether or not I virtue signal via symbolic gestures. The fact that I’m not silent on the day of silence will not change how I treat LGBTQ people in my day to day life because I believe in treating all human beings with dignity and respect. Just because people choose to be silent, it doesn’t mean that they actually treat LGBTQ people with respect in their day to day life. Participating in the event may have zero correlation on anyone’s actual behavior.
In my bones, because I have a rebellious spirit, being forced to conform to any compelled action or speech is antithetical to my existence.
How about an organization that just focuses on teaching kids to be polite and kind, regardless of differences? And maybe a corresponding organization that teaches kids to stop looking for victimization around every corner? Oh and another one that teaches kids how to have dialogue with people of differing viewpoints?
Apr 15, 2023·edited Apr 15, 2023Liked by Buck Angel® Transsexual
If we were able to "go back' to affirming universal human rights...but tribalism seems to require victimism too. "Day of Silence" just oozes guilt, how could anyone participate in it--willing or not--without also participating in or succumbing to sanctimony? Whatever it might be on a humane scale--it is also a power.
I really don’t think this belongs in schools. Students should be expected to behave so that learning can take place and taught that people are individuals.
I am a man who happens to be gay and a senior citizen.
Just as it is inappropriate to force children into compelled displays of solidarity whether or not they agree with the cause, it is inappropriate to force different types of people under an awkward collective identifier, especially today, when differences often outweigh whatever it is the groups have or might once have had in common.
In a better world, "LGBTQ community" would be replaced by the phrase "members of sexual and gender minorities." Better yet, we'd just use individuals' preferred labels.
First, thanks to Buck for all Buck is doing to deter young people from destroying themselves out of fealty to an ideology. Thanks to Buck for pointing out that this coercive "Silence" is forcing a religious belief in a secular context. It's certainly not OK that so many kids get bullied, and in an ideal world, they wouldn't. But it's also true that bullying can put a kid on the path to developing certain vital life skills, and an authentic sense of identity that withstands the commands of the mainstream.
I follow Buck -- we're about the same age -- and much of what Buck says about 'feelings' resonates with me. But at times I find it challenging to imagine young people taking advice from someone who transitioned to a male appearance, a former 'tomboy' who was bullied for being a tomboy. The best thing to do is to make being a butch tomboy cool, as opposed to capitulating to internalized standards and adjusting one's outward appearance to play at being male. We came of age when tomboys ruled prime-time TV -- Kristy McNichol, anyone? Boys and girls wore the same hairstyle and clothing. There was never a better time to be gender-non-conforming than the 70s. I didn't know it, but I wasn't 'conforming.' I got called some funny name that pointed it out to me (Lez) but it didn't faze me. I had so many more interests outside of myself, it just didn't matter, on some level, though I did endure some horrific moments of bullying by mean girls over the attention of boys and other territorial matters that go on well into adulthood.
Buck often posts on Instagram some modeling shots from when Buck was in Buck's biological origin. The accompanying text claims feeling so uncomfortable in lingerie and modeling in general, people putting make-up on her, etc. I look at this image and see a similar one of myself, where I too, felt incredibly uncomfortable. Modeling, wearing lingerie -- red lipstick -- it felt like a costume to me. But it didn't make me male.
Of course a few paragraphs on Instagram might not be enough to capture whatever 'feelings' put Buck on the path to testosterone. But what is there isn't enough to convince me that anything out of the ordinary was wrong, other than capitulating to a gender expectation, as opposed to celebrating being a really cool butch lesbian. I acknowledge that it's not for me to say what made Buck do this, but it seems wiser to accept and make the most out of what one IS, as opposed to giving in, which is what Buck did. Also, it is clear that Buck is female under the beard. Buck's mannerisms on the channel -- gestures in response to guests, things said -- are all stridently female behaviors. There's an element of 'acting' in being transgender -- Blaire White is 'acting' like an exaggerated version of a female, as opposed to celebrating the twink he truly is. Blaire showed a pre-Blaire video and it made me sad. There was a certain kind of non-conforming type that will disappear to this line of thinking and costuming and I, for one, miss them. The best outcome, in my observations, is to make being what you actually are -- be it butch, super gay, twink -- whatever -- the thing to be.
Thank you for this very thoughtful and thought-provoking essay. I agree with you completely. Bullying and/or intimidating children into participating in *any* event or activity does nothing but legitimize bullying. And, as a biological psychologist, I would suggest that doing so exacerbates any negative feelings that the children might have toward the group that's doing (or is perceived as doing) the bullying. Thank you again. Sincerely, Frederick
I genuinely hope there are more of you to represent your community. We are in desperate need of your thinking in this world. Thank you for this writing.
As a parent of an 8th grade student at Felix Festa Middle School (mentioned in this article), it should be pointed out that the majority of non-participating students support the cause and their LGBTQ classmates/friends but resent being forced into social activism while at school.
Thanks Buck, excellent defense of real diversity. This sort of bullying occurs in the workplace around what you do or do not include in your email signature. When I think of generations of civil rights activists and the sacrifices they made to dismantle every flavor of oppression; I do not think they would support any of the currently popular "progressive" bullying tactics that are everywhere today. I did not March in all those Pride protests and write all those letters to lawmakers to make straight or white or male people scared to be who they are at work. No one should be scared. Vindictiveness is not victory and it is certainly not progress.
The "day of silence" is a curious form of compelled speech--forcing children to come to school and be silent in order to support protection (and be against bullying of) LBGTGIA+ people. Why silence if that's not your preferred way of showing support? And why demand support? Respect is a requirement--accepting and behaving in a friendly manner toward those whose way of life may not be your preferred way is expected. But to compel children either to be silent or to show support in some other way is wrong, morally, and unconstitutional.
Why do we have children involved in any of this? They’re children, leave them alone to be such and stop foisting adult problems on them. That will happen soon enough.
Hey Buck, thank you for sharing these insights! One thing I've noticed about the times our society sets aside for honoring other cultures and identity groups, is that it's so tied up in death, misery, oppression, and shaming. I think this is particularly so in the Trans Community. Rarely does one ever hear the word "trans" mentioned without hearing about violence against the community and references to suicide. I feel like to lesser degrees the stories of other groups are shared with the intent to elicit shame and pity. It almost seems too obvious to need to state it, but this is not a recipe for either spreading joy or intercultural understanding or solidarity. We tend to feel alienated from what (and who) we pity, not closer to it. I always liked the fact that celebrations of gay culture are called "pride." The concept of pride encourages respect and admiration, and although admiration is also still not the same as empathy or solidarity, it's much closer to the mark. The day of silence you describe sounds more grim than the way the Victorians celebrated death, and far more ascetic. Our modern DEI movement promotes stereotypes and creates bigger, more unapproachable taboos than the Victorians ever did. Do we really expect children to behave like monks? It's easy to see how a kid might misconstrue this as punishment, and how instead of respect or understanding, it could very easily create resentment. I could see having a moment of silence at the start of the school day followed by a thoughtful discussion, but an entire day of silence??? Everyone has to dress the same and all are forced to be silent...what a fitting symbol for everything wrong with our society. Instead of kindness, care, listening, individual expression and spontaneous gestures of care we have repressive, solemn conformity. No wonder so many kids are depressed at such a young age. Kids are becoming pawns in adults' twisted political maneuvers and are being asked to bear the cross of the world's problems. These sorts of pity exercises and shaming rituals can only increase the artificial gulf that exists between people. What we need are rituals of joy and attempts to create opportunities for understanding. Again, thank you for pointing this out.
Hi Buck,
Excellent argument -- as someone who has no issues with the LGBTQ community, I personally would not want to participate in a day of silence because I don’t like to be forced to do anything, even if I support the underlying message. I think my character should be determined by how I treat others not by whether or not I virtue signal via symbolic gestures. The fact that I’m not silent on the day of silence will not change how I treat LGBTQ people in my day to day life because I believe in treating all human beings with dignity and respect. Just because people choose to be silent, it doesn’t mean that they actually treat LGBTQ people with respect in their day to day life. Participating in the event may have zero correlation on anyone’s actual behavior.
In my bones, because I have a rebellious spirit, being forced to conform to any compelled action or speech is antithetical to my existence.
I am not a sheep.
How about an organization that just focuses on teaching kids to be polite and kind, regardless of differences? And maybe a corresponding organization that teaches kids to stop looking for victimization around every corner? Oh and another one that teaches kids how to have dialogue with people of differing viewpoints?
If we were able to "go back' to affirming universal human rights...but tribalism seems to require victimism too. "Day of Silence" just oozes guilt, how could anyone participate in it--willing or not--without also participating in or succumbing to sanctimony? Whatever it might be on a humane scale--it is also a power.
I really don’t think this belongs in schools. Students should be expected to behave so that learning can take place and taught that people are individuals.
I am a man who happens to be gay and a senior citizen.
Just as it is inappropriate to force children into compelled displays of solidarity whether or not they agree with the cause, it is inappropriate to force different types of people under an awkward collective identifier, especially today, when differences often outweigh whatever it is the groups have or might once have had in common.
In a better world, "LGBTQ community" would be replaced by the phrase "members of sexual and gender minorities." Better yet, we'd just use individuals' preferred labels.
First, thanks to Buck for all Buck is doing to deter young people from destroying themselves out of fealty to an ideology. Thanks to Buck for pointing out that this coercive "Silence" is forcing a religious belief in a secular context. It's certainly not OK that so many kids get bullied, and in an ideal world, they wouldn't. But it's also true that bullying can put a kid on the path to developing certain vital life skills, and an authentic sense of identity that withstands the commands of the mainstream.
I follow Buck -- we're about the same age -- and much of what Buck says about 'feelings' resonates with me. But at times I find it challenging to imagine young people taking advice from someone who transitioned to a male appearance, a former 'tomboy' who was bullied for being a tomboy. The best thing to do is to make being a butch tomboy cool, as opposed to capitulating to internalized standards and adjusting one's outward appearance to play at being male. We came of age when tomboys ruled prime-time TV -- Kristy McNichol, anyone? Boys and girls wore the same hairstyle and clothing. There was never a better time to be gender-non-conforming than the 70s. I didn't know it, but I wasn't 'conforming.' I got called some funny name that pointed it out to me (Lez) but it didn't faze me. I had so many more interests outside of myself, it just didn't matter, on some level, though I did endure some horrific moments of bullying by mean girls over the attention of boys and other territorial matters that go on well into adulthood.
Buck often posts on Instagram some modeling shots from when Buck was in Buck's biological origin. The accompanying text claims feeling so uncomfortable in lingerie and modeling in general, people putting make-up on her, etc. I look at this image and see a similar one of myself, where I too, felt incredibly uncomfortable. Modeling, wearing lingerie -- red lipstick -- it felt like a costume to me. But it didn't make me male.
Of course a few paragraphs on Instagram might not be enough to capture whatever 'feelings' put Buck on the path to testosterone. But what is there isn't enough to convince me that anything out of the ordinary was wrong, other than capitulating to a gender expectation, as opposed to celebrating being a really cool butch lesbian. I acknowledge that it's not for me to say what made Buck do this, but it seems wiser to accept and make the most out of what one IS, as opposed to giving in, which is what Buck did. Also, it is clear that Buck is female under the beard. Buck's mannerisms on the channel -- gestures in response to guests, things said -- are all stridently female behaviors. There's an element of 'acting' in being transgender -- Blaire White is 'acting' like an exaggerated version of a female, as opposed to celebrating the twink he truly is. Blaire showed a pre-Blaire video and it made me sad. There was a certain kind of non-conforming type that will disappear to this line of thinking and costuming and I, for one, miss them. The best outcome, in my observations, is to make being what you actually are -- be it butch, super gay, twink -- whatever -- the thing to be.
Thank you for this very thoughtful and thought-provoking essay. I agree with you completely. Bullying and/or intimidating children into participating in *any* event or activity does nothing but legitimize bullying. And, as a biological psychologist, I would suggest that doing so exacerbates any negative feelings that the children might have toward the group that's doing (or is perceived as doing) the bullying. Thank you again. Sincerely, Frederick
I genuinely hope there are more of you to represent your community. We are in desperate need of your thinking in this world. Thank you for this writing.
Excellent Buck. If only more had your common sense maybe we could all be happy together.
As a parent of an 8th grade student at Felix Festa Middle School (mentioned in this article), it should be pointed out that the majority of non-participating students support the cause and their LGBTQ classmates/friends but resent being forced into social activism while at school.
A voice of reason. Thanks, Buck.
Yes. Good piece.