I believe the we,the purposely misunderstood, disregarded and discarded, clearly understand your grandfather's expression of gratitude. It's like standing in the rain after a long drought to discover others who share this language and these values.
Powerful stuff Michelle. We should always err on the side of free speech and more speech. Those of us in the Middle need to make our voices and feelings heard when our friends seek to shut down speech of those who feel or believe differently and to make clear that their attempts to silence or control others is unacceptable. This will require courage and may cause the loss of a supposed friendship. Be strong. Stay strong.
If moderates on both sides of the political aisle are censoring themselves, then what we've lost the ability to do is disagree. This is likely due to "political correctness" and the rampant fear of offending/being offensive. When did offending someone become akin to shooting them in the kneecap? Whatever happened to "sticks and stones ..."? I can say - for certain - that having my feelings hurt made me a stronger person. It still does. I welcome disagreement. I learn. It makes me think and, if I don't change my mind, it helps me to articulate my position more clearly.
Thank you. What a beautifully written essay. I self censor all the time because I don’t want to deal with the long comment threads that might result. Opinions get in the way of friendships that are bigger than opinions. But I get tired of people free to post bigotry that offends me without consideration of my feelings. A friend posted a long post about how horrible life was for women in the fifties. They couldn’t use a bank etc. I wanted to say--you know better. This wasn’t true of your mother or my mother. My grandmother owned her own electrical business since the late 50’s. My mother started an experimental school in the early 60’s with several other women. She knows this. But I stayed silent, not wanting the pile on from her friends. And time spent on FB when I have books about silence (the good kind) to read. At any rate I’m almost convinced to go back...almost because of this essay.
This is an excellent piece; thank you for putting this into words.
I was recently pulled into an on-line debate where my grave sin was postulating on the cause of the disagreement: not taking a side, but trying to understand why there were sides.
The "left" side of the debate quickly attacked me. They refused to believe that there could be a difference. Pointing out that the responses were about "half and half" only exacerbated the vitriol.
What a poignant story! Your poor grandfather was lucky to have family who were patient with him. How unfortunate are we Americans in the opposite situation - surrounded by enemies eager to pounce on any misstep or ill-formed sentence. It *is* killing us.
Academia is the absolute worst in shutting down communication. (note: I am a college professor). If Science Professors were as clueless about their fields as Humanities Professors are about theirs, Universities would shut down all Physics, Chemistry & Biology Departments!
Republicans want to return to before the Civil Rights era; Humanities Departments want to return to before the Age of Reason.
so true, we should be guided by our own inner wisdom in our interactions than the *fools* at the top telling us what we can and can not say, words are gifts meant to share.
This is exactly it! Words are a gift plus they are the most powerful tool for growth!
As an educator, one of my biggest challenges is helping my students 'unlearn' erroneous ideas - we cannot embrace good/correct ideas until we find and address our misconceptions. Now the penalty of having erroneous ideas is so harsh we hide them - we hide any sign of an erroneous idea out of grave fear. So bad ideas can grow and thrive underground ...
I think you should unlearn the erroneous idea that "Republicans want to return to before the Civil Rights era." While an extraordinary minority may in fact want to return US policy and culture to before the Civl Rights era *without civil rights*, it is completely erroneous to suggest that is a general Republican sentiment. The last time I checked, "re-establishing Jim Crow Laws" is not part of their plank. Although I chronically hear Democratic Strategists suggest some new voter law is "Jim Crow 2.0" as if they had never learned about the horrendous stuff Jim Crow 1.0, brought to America by the Democratic Party, actually did.
The truth is, the Democratic Party policies and philosophy are currently bringing us closer to the racial conceptions of pre civil rights era America than anything the Republican Party is doing, as the hope of a post racial and gender society, one in which character trumps "identity" was a motivating spirit of the civil rights era. Embracing racial tribalism is what drives the Democratic Party's racial policies today, while the Republican Party's policies are still more driven by a focus on identity blind judgements of citizens. It seems to offend many Democrats today that many Republicans want to protect white, asian, and jewish people from discrimination if it means that black and hispanic people won't get advantages entirely due to the racial group they belong to. It's what many Democrats call "anti-racism" today: state-based racial discrimination for the benefit of particular racial groups. I call that "systemic racism". Before the civil rights era, the systemic racism it supported was for white people; now it is for black people and hispanic people.
The fact that many Republicans have a nostalgia for the 1950s is as relevant to whether they want to bring back Jim Crow as the common nostalgia Democrats have for the 1930s and rule of Roosevelt. Do Democrats want to bring back Jim Crow and the Great Depression because they swoon over Roosevelt? Is the "Green New Deal" a dog whistle for support of lynching because Roosevelt dismissed anti-lynching law that his own wife embraced?
As a wandering internet philosopher, one of my biggest challenges is helping random people unlearn erroneous ideas. We cannot embrace good/correct ideas until we find and address our misconceptions. I often point them out to random people, but they tend to be very stubborn with their misconceptions. What will be the penalty if you think the Democratic Party's current racial philosophy is worse than the Republican Party's?
Prior knowledge is important as it serves as a foundational building block for new knowledge. Activating prior knowledge helps students see the connections between previous learning and new instruction, builds on what students already know, provides a framework for learners to better understand new information. Unlearning presents a presumption of superiority which often causes a student to reject new knowledge. Building upon prior knowledge presents a cooperative mindset which is not rejected.
I recall when I used to buy into what you are saying about the presumption of superiority.
After traveling to other countries and seeing how they teach their youth I no longer agree - in many cultures teachers are seen as superior in their knowledge (else why hire them?) and the student respects the teacher ... guess what? Their students overwhelmingly outperform ours. America's approach of elevating the student builds self-esteem but not mastery - so we churn out "Donald Trumps" who are "World's Most Stable Geniuses" (Also, we erode the status of educators so no self-respecting person would ever choose that as a career).
The result is we're producing a generation of unemployable Americans. Every HR dept in the country has horror stories of dealing with youth with fragile egos that cannot withstand anything less than lavish praise. We churn out hundreds of thousands of unqualified college grads and have to resort to H1B visas to find engineers. (Fun fact: America churns out Engineering graduates in numbers that should fill all of our needs but employers are dissatisfied with the quality of most of our students and turn to other nations. Most of the nations where we look for H1B engineers do not coddle/ego-stroke their students the way America does).
Finally, unlearning what we thought we knew is a lifelong process that helps us grow throughout our lives and failing to teach that to our next generation is a crime against them. The shame is not in not knowing everything - the shame is in letting our ego stand in the way of learning new things. I am an old grandpa who teaches college and one thing I enjoy is learning from my students. When I fumble with technology (I use a tablet projected on a screen to lecture now) I have 2 or 3 dozen tech support staff eager to help me out. I try to rotate through them so each gets a chance to shine - I am grateful to them and I show it. Maybe because I lead by example that there is no shame in learning I am able to connect to my students and inspire them to learn.
Arrogance prevents more learning than bruised egos do.
I decided to add one more thing - it is important: if we truly respect our (college) students we treat them like adults by being frank and honest. We say "You are wrong" when they are wrong. Anything less is treating them like fragile little children.
I suspect educators do these ego-protecting things for their own sake - not for the students. Many educators are uncomfortable correcting erroneous ideas but, really, most people can handle it if it's done kindly ... unless, of course, they have been coddled their entire life and have never developed any resilience.
"Fun fact: America churns out Engineering graduates in numbers that should fill all of our needs but employers are dissatisfied with the quality of most of our students and turn to other nations. "
Fun fact: I am a software engineer. A significant reason many employers hire H1Bs is because they are cheaper and easier to pressure into working more hours. H1Bs are a racket, filled with fraud, kickbacks and exploitation. They wouldn't be cheaper though if our laws surrounding them weren't corrupt.
You are wrong. Oh, and I didn't even go to college for engineering because its unnecessary. College is mostly a racket these days. Overpriced, hoop jumping for a piece of paper that more than not isn't even directly connected to a career. College "liberal arts" educations especially are mostly a waste public resources and the time of students.
really great conversation here, maybe the word arrogance is actually a term that was morphed/extracted from the respect that is no longer apparent in children's schools? I would agree our public education system has morphed into a valley of despair, more so in larger cities than any other world cities.
I have spoken to at least a dozen and a half Republican friends and family members who agree they want to return America to the Golden Age of America that began right after WWII and ended in the early 1960's - note: the Golden Age they would like to return to is before the Civil Rights Era. So my statement stands ...
That's quite a few Republican friends. I'm impressed. Did you confirm with your dear friends specifically that they're opposed to civil rights? Or did you consider other reasons why they might consider the 1950s a golden age? (A postwar economy with no serious international competition seems like an obvious choice).
Anyone who can recall the 1950s is at least an octogenarian. You might wait to be cautious about sample bias.
Also: misrepresenting other people's views--whether purposely or negligently--is a bad habit and it can be unlearned. As an educator, hopefully you appreciate the value of that.
I too have many republican friends...dare I say it, Trump loving friends who tell me all the time what they want. It goes like this..lower crime/safer streets, better education in the schools (this one is always a long game as we discuss what should be taught) fairness in sports, transparency in govt. and media. Lower taxes. A mix of natural gas wind turbines and solar for climate. And here comes the big one..most, but not all are fine with abortion within limits.
What a wonderful man your Grandfather was and you provide a truly heartwarming story and make very valid points. The fear of speaking one's mind can cause so many to re-frame from sharing an opinion or position on any given topic. Which likely was not a position your Grandfather had, especially considering the time frame for when he was working with Sonny Liston. Yet it's that basic freedom this country provides that all must fight to protect.
My wife is a Naturalized Citizen and when she walked out of the Federal Court House in Sacramento, she got about 10 steps before she stopped and looked at me and said, "Now I don't have to take shit from anyone. I am an American." With a child she had always feared being sent back home if she crossed anyone. Even though I said no, she was unsure.
She is not shy about voicing her opinion on the pampered, soft, lazy people who complain and want others to admire their intelligence. She has stood with Dignitaries and Generals and has always just been herself. She may word her thoughts a little softer, but never shies away from giving her opinion. I believe this makes us all stronger. We have lost so called friends, but my wife and I say if they cannot try to understand someones position, then are they worth caring about? We would absolutely say no. Since she is my hero, much like your Grandfather is yours, we need more like your Grandfather and my wife. Speak up America and let's just work it out with respect and facts and not just run hell bent on emotions, triggers, or whatever it's called.
Thank you for so eloquently and accurately describing, defining this sad state of affairs in our country. If only it could be heard above the fray to allow us to return to a time of civil disagreement and debate.
Beautiful essay! Thank you.
Thank You!
I believe the we,the purposely misunderstood, disregarded and discarded, clearly understand your grandfather's expression of gratitude. It's like standing in the rain after a long drought to discover others who share this language and these values.
Beautiful words Glenda.
Powerful stuff Michelle. We should always err on the side of free speech and more speech. Those of us in the Middle need to make our voices and feelings heard when our friends seek to shut down speech of those who feel or believe differently and to make clear that their attempts to silence or control others is unacceptable. This will require courage and may cause the loss of a supposed friendship. Be strong. Stay strong.
You are spot on.
If moderates on both sides of the political aisle are censoring themselves, then what we've lost the ability to do is disagree. This is likely due to "political correctness" and the rampant fear of offending/being offensive. When did offending someone become akin to shooting them in the kneecap? Whatever happened to "sticks and stones ..."? I can say - for certain - that having my feelings hurt made me a stronger person. It still does. I welcome disagreement. I learn. It makes me think and, if I don't change my mind, it helps me to articulate my position more clearly.
Thank you. What a beautifully written essay. I self censor all the time because I don’t want to deal with the long comment threads that might result. Opinions get in the way of friendships that are bigger than opinions. But I get tired of people free to post bigotry that offends me without consideration of my feelings. A friend posted a long post about how horrible life was for women in the fifties. They couldn’t use a bank etc. I wanted to say--you know better. This wasn’t true of your mother or my mother. My grandmother owned her own electrical business since the late 50’s. My mother started an experimental school in the early 60’s with several other women. She knows this. But I stayed silent, not wanting the pile on from her friends. And time spent on FB when I have books about silence (the good kind) to read. At any rate I’m almost convinced to go back...almost because of this essay.
Well if you don't go back at least I'd say you have a beautiful essay about the women in your family about to be written :)
That’s very true. Yes.
This is an excellent piece; thank you for putting this into words.
I was recently pulled into an on-line debate where my grave sin was postulating on the cause of the disagreement: not taking a side, but trying to understand why there were sides.
The "left" side of the debate quickly attacked me. They refused to believe that there could be a difference. Pointing out that the responses were about "half and half" only exacerbated the vitriol.
What a poignant story! Your poor grandfather was lucky to have family who were patient with him. How unfortunate are we Americans in the opposite situation - surrounded by enemies eager to pounce on any misstep or ill-formed sentence. It *is* killing us.
Academia is the absolute worst in shutting down communication. (note: I am a college professor). If Science Professors were as clueless about their fields as Humanities Professors are about theirs, Universities would shut down all Physics, Chemistry & Biology Departments!
Republicans want to return to before the Civil Rights era; Humanities Departments want to return to before the Age of Reason.
so true, we should be guided by our own inner wisdom in our interactions than the *fools* at the top telling us what we can and can not say, words are gifts meant to share.
This is exactly it! Words are a gift plus they are the most powerful tool for growth!
As an educator, one of my biggest challenges is helping my students 'unlearn' erroneous ideas - we cannot embrace good/correct ideas until we find and address our misconceptions. Now the penalty of having erroneous ideas is so harsh we hide them - we hide any sign of an erroneous idea out of grave fear. So bad ideas can grow and thrive underground ...
I think you should unlearn the erroneous idea that "Republicans want to return to before the Civil Rights era." While an extraordinary minority may in fact want to return US policy and culture to before the Civl Rights era *without civil rights*, it is completely erroneous to suggest that is a general Republican sentiment. The last time I checked, "re-establishing Jim Crow Laws" is not part of their plank. Although I chronically hear Democratic Strategists suggest some new voter law is "Jim Crow 2.0" as if they had never learned about the horrendous stuff Jim Crow 1.0, brought to America by the Democratic Party, actually did.
The truth is, the Democratic Party policies and philosophy are currently bringing us closer to the racial conceptions of pre civil rights era America than anything the Republican Party is doing, as the hope of a post racial and gender society, one in which character trumps "identity" was a motivating spirit of the civil rights era. Embracing racial tribalism is what drives the Democratic Party's racial policies today, while the Republican Party's policies are still more driven by a focus on identity blind judgements of citizens. It seems to offend many Democrats today that many Republicans want to protect white, asian, and jewish people from discrimination if it means that black and hispanic people won't get advantages entirely due to the racial group they belong to. It's what many Democrats call "anti-racism" today: state-based racial discrimination for the benefit of particular racial groups. I call that "systemic racism". Before the civil rights era, the systemic racism it supported was for white people; now it is for black people and hispanic people.
The fact that many Republicans have a nostalgia for the 1950s is as relevant to whether they want to bring back Jim Crow as the common nostalgia Democrats have for the 1930s and rule of Roosevelt. Do Democrats want to bring back Jim Crow and the Great Depression because they swoon over Roosevelt? Is the "Green New Deal" a dog whistle for support of lynching because Roosevelt dismissed anti-lynching law that his own wife embraced?
As a wandering internet philosopher, one of my biggest challenges is helping random people unlearn erroneous ideas. We cannot embrace good/correct ideas until we find and address our misconceptions. I often point them out to random people, but they tend to be very stubborn with their misconceptions. What will be the penalty if you think the Democratic Party's current racial philosophy is worse than the Republican Party's?
Prior knowledge is important as it serves as a foundational building block for new knowledge. Activating prior knowledge helps students see the connections between previous learning and new instruction, builds on what students already know, provides a framework for learners to better understand new information. Unlearning presents a presumption of superiority which often causes a student to reject new knowledge. Building upon prior knowledge presents a cooperative mindset which is not rejected.
I recall when I used to buy into what you are saying about the presumption of superiority.
After traveling to other countries and seeing how they teach their youth I no longer agree - in many cultures teachers are seen as superior in their knowledge (else why hire them?) and the student respects the teacher ... guess what? Their students overwhelmingly outperform ours. America's approach of elevating the student builds self-esteem but not mastery - so we churn out "Donald Trumps" who are "World's Most Stable Geniuses" (Also, we erode the status of educators so no self-respecting person would ever choose that as a career).
The result is we're producing a generation of unemployable Americans. Every HR dept in the country has horror stories of dealing with youth with fragile egos that cannot withstand anything less than lavish praise. We churn out hundreds of thousands of unqualified college grads and have to resort to H1B visas to find engineers. (Fun fact: America churns out Engineering graduates in numbers that should fill all of our needs but employers are dissatisfied with the quality of most of our students and turn to other nations. Most of the nations where we look for H1B engineers do not coddle/ego-stroke their students the way America does).
Finally, unlearning what we thought we knew is a lifelong process that helps us grow throughout our lives and failing to teach that to our next generation is a crime against them. The shame is not in not knowing everything - the shame is in letting our ego stand in the way of learning new things. I am an old grandpa who teaches college and one thing I enjoy is learning from my students. When I fumble with technology (I use a tablet projected on a screen to lecture now) I have 2 or 3 dozen tech support staff eager to help me out. I try to rotate through them so each gets a chance to shine - I am grateful to them and I show it. Maybe because I lead by example that there is no shame in learning I am able to connect to my students and inspire them to learn.
Arrogance prevents more learning than bruised egos do.
I decided to add one more thing - it is important: if we truly respect our (college) students we treat them like adults by being frank and honest. We say "You are wrong" when they are wrong. Anything less is treating them like fragile little children.
I suspect educators do these ego-protecting things for their own sake - not for the students. Many educators are uncomfortable correcting erroneous ideas but, really, most people can handle it if it's done kindly ... unless, of course, they have been coddled their entire life and have never developed any resilience.
"Fun fact: America churns out Engineering graduates in numbers that should fill all of our needs but employers are dissatisfied with the quality of most of our students and turn to other nations. "
Fun fact: I am a software engineer. A significant reason many employers hire H1Bs is because they are cheaper and easier to pressure into working more hours. H1Bs are a racket, filled with fraud, kickbacks and exploitation. They wouldn't be cheaper though if our laws surrounding them weren't corrupt.
You are wrong. Oh, and I didn't even go to college for engineering because its unnecessary. College is mostly a racket these days. Overpriced, hoop jumping for a piece of paper that more than not isn't even directly connected to a career. College "liberal arts" educations especially are mostly a waste public resources and the time of students.
really great conversation here, maybe the word arrogance is actually a term that was morphed/extracted from the respect that is no longer apparent in children's schools? I would agree our public education system has morphed into a valley of despair, more so in larger cities than any other world cities.
>>>Republicans want to return to before the Civil Rights era
How many Republicans have you spoken to about this? I'm a Republican and I have no idea what you're talking about.
I have spoken to at least a dozen and a half Republican friends and family members who agree they want to return America to the Golden Age of America that began right after WWII and ended in the early 1960's - note: the Golden Age they would like to return to is before the Civil Rights Era. So my statement stands ...
That's quite a few Republican friends. I'm impressed. Did you confirm with your dear friends specifically that they're opposed to civil rights? Or did you consider other reasons why they might consider the 1950s a golden age? (A postwar economy with no serious international competition seems like an obvious choice).
Anyone who can recall the 1950s is at least an octogenarian. You might wait to be cautious about sample bias.
Also: misrepresenting other people's views--whether purposely or negligently--is a bad habit and it can be unlearned. As an educator, hopefully you appreciate the value of that.
I too have many republican friends...dare I say it, Trump loving friends who tell me all the time what they want. It goes like this..lower crime/safer streets, better education in the schools (this one is always a long game as we discuss what should be taught) fairness in sports, transparency in govt. and media. Lower taxes. A mix of natural gas wind turbines and solar for climate. And here comes the big one..most, but not all are fine with abortion within limits.
Thank for your words. They will be with me for awhile.
What a wonderful man your Grandfather was and you provide a truly heartwarming story and make very valid points. The fear of speaking one's mind can cause so many to re-frame from sharing an opinion or position on any given topic. Which likely was not a position your Grandfather had, especially considering the time frame for when he was working with Sonny Liston. Yet it's that basic freedom this country provides that all must fight to protect.
My wife is a Naturalized Citizen and when she walked out of the Federal Court House in Sacramento, she got about 10 steps before she stopped and looked at me and said, "Now I don't have to take shit from anyone. I am an American." With a child she had always feared being sent back home if she crossed anyone. Even though I said no, she was unsure.
She is not shy about voicing her opinion on the pampered, soft, lazy people who complain and want others to admire their intelligence. She has stood with Dignitaries and Generals and has always just been herself. She may word her thoughts a little softer, but never shies away from giving her opinion. I believe this makes us all stronger. We have lost so called friends, but my wife and I say if they cannot try to understand someones position, then are they worth caring about? We would absolutely say no. Since she is my hero, much like your Grandfather is yours, we need more like your Grandfather and my wife. Speak up America and let's just work it out with respect and facts and not just run hell bent on emotions, triggers, or whatever it's called.
Very good article. Thank you
Thank you!
Wow. Excellent, powerful piece.
Beautifully written and sadly.... spot on. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for so eloquently and accurately describing, defining this sad state of affairs in our country. If only it could be heard above the fray to allow us to return to a time of civil disagreement and debate.
Love this essay. I posted it to FB. I can’t stand the name calling and hatred anymore.
Poignant and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing such a personal story which beautifully illustrated your points.