So you are hated for having a brain, thinking for yourself and having morals? I am sorry you have to experience this but being an independent, intelligent, and self sufficient woman has become a target, especially if you’re white!
I for one admire your courage and standing up for yourself. Wishing you all that is good but also suggest you leave the Hell Hole Portland has become. Seek an area of free thought and speech. Good luck.
On top of everything else written here in this excellent essay, there's another element:
The complete cowardice and lack of integrity of our professional (former) peers.
Specifically, people who support privately but shun publicly; people who never have and never will stick their necks out, who watch the witchburnings on the sidelines from the comfort of their careers.
They "agree" with you, but won't associate with you.
They want you to take the arrows for them.
They see the madness and the damage done to people's lives and to the industry as a whole, but they do nothing.
They say nothing. They risk nothing. They lose nothing.
People like you and Mary need to start your own non-woke theatre company! So many talented people now sidelined because they refused to join this weird new religion.
Thank you so much for your bravery and your wisdom--so many of us have had similar or identical experiences; I ask myself constantly whether some of my old friends, or former friends, are scared, are truly brainwashed, or just confused. Were I to pretend to go along with grotesque notions of the meaning of "whiteness" or with other notions I find bizarre, I know I'd feel worse. The price is loneliness. But there's always humor--it helps. Or at least a strong sense of the absurd. I think all this, too, shall pass.
Right on Melissa. I too wonder what has happened to people, including family members. Well, its not as though this hasnt happened before on the history of the world - people taken in by an ideology. But i never thought it could happen here in this country- and the level of intolerance is alarming. I think about it a lot. Your writing, and the writing of Mary Mac and others is like a lifeline for me. Its the right thing to do and it will make a difference in the larger scheme of things.
Many thanks! I think we're back where we were during McCarthyism! In some ways things are getting better--I always feel if I could just get people to hold a conversation instead of telling me I'm a TERF/transphobe/Racist/brainwashed by conservatives . . . and a few other choice insults I seem to be blotting out at the moment--if I could get people to talk, things would be better.
Ah, yes. The ultimate slurs: magat, conservative, racist, homophobe, transphobe. Sigh. While it still stings to be told you are nothing, sadly these words are losing their meaning such to the point that when we actually might witness bad behaviour, we have nothing to call it.
I experienced a similar kind of ostracism in 2022 from people in the music scene I was part of, and since then I've found it very hard to get enthusiastic about music at all. Speaking up when you know something is wrong really does take its toll
I agree - pronouns are the entry point of cancel culture. No one should cosset the narcissistic and ego-centric users of "personalized pronouns". In particular, there is no historical or linguistic support for the "singular they".
Do not give in on "personalized pronouns". Do not allow others to compel your speech.
The pronoun theatre and the demands of the "trans community" that follow directly on from that are the perfect totalitarian foot in the door.
It seems so small and silly. "Lead eirh your heart, not with your head," as Mary's former friend extolls her. It's no big deal, right? You're just being supportive, loving every individual as they are.
Except you're not. You're being challenged to ignore basic reality. One of the fundamentally given aspects of human nature. Look to the early Genesis narratives.
Once you deny something so fundamental, you are prey for any and every lie they wish to perpetrate on you, or anyone else.
Thank you, Mary, for sharing your story of courage and struggle.
Yes, the more people ignore reality/facts and allow themselves to be emotionally manipulated, the more susceptible they are to propaganda and psychological manipulation.
Moral Courage – doing what has to be done, because it is the right thing to do – is the mark of a true hero” is a quote by Thomas G. Kelley, a recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor and a Vietnam War veteran.
Without people like you, we would have no hope. You are braver than you know, and I am grateful. All the way down here in Mississippi.
Bravo Mary! Thank you for writing such an honest and brave essay. I am so sorry to read about the terrible things that happened to you. You are an inspiration to me and I hope we get a chance to work together on a project one day. ❤️
I decided some time back if anyone insisted I use pronouns, I was going to go with "we" and defy anyone to cancel my choice. Who are they to determine what pronouns are acceptable? We perfectly captures the multifaceted aspects of the human personality and does not cage you in a box of their making. Note I'm being only slightly sarcastic here. They've handed us weapons...it's up to us to use them against them.
Sadly, this kind of thing is all too common the arts (performance, writing, you name it). And "friends" like that are also becoming far too common. If someone is going to jettison you as a friend because you don't happen to follow their particular orthodoxy, they weren't really your friend to begin with.
That's the part that hurts the most though. When you thought they were your friends and it turns out that they were never were. It's disorienting. Devastating.
I've had to cut off family members, too. If it's conduct you wouldn't tolerate or accept from a friend, why should family get a pass? Just because you're related doesn't mean they have the automatic right to abuse you or disrespect you.
I have experience with this. You follow Solzhenitsyn's advice and live not by lies. Continue to care about the person, and show that you do. Avoid the contentious subjects when possible, and give short, truthful answers when they push into contentioius territory. And when they shun you, let them. But don't be the one to shun them. Some day they may be grateful that you were the one person who didn't lie to them. It really does happen.
So sorry this has happened to you. I figured it would happen to me as well, so I took myself out, I saw it coming during the pandemic. I worked in live events, music & tv production for years. I went back to school right before the world shut down to get a certification in technical theater, I saw so much going on that was just creepy, grifty and down right illegal during that stretch. I still see it as I still lurk there & have friends still working. When I saw the USITT doing land acknowledgments before an online meeting regarding professional advice, I just logged out, as an indigenous person I found it patronizing & insulting. It isn't like they are going to give anything back and this was not appropriate for what we were meeting on which was salary negotiation. It is sad I miss my friends I made over the years but I am done. I do wonder if I should start to talk about what is going there on but I do also wonder how much I will be targeted for doing so. Keep doing what you do.
I was in a cult once. The cognitive dissonance grew and grew until finally I left. I was shunned by my former friends. It was a good experience. It made me realize who shallow most relationships are. I’m When COVID came around I had already been off Pharma, about 95%. I didn’t lose friends over my stances. As everyone knew I wouldn’t be getting vaxed. I didn’t lose any friends as I knew all along they were only acquaintances. My wife though is very social, very group oriented. It was devastating to her. She got over it somewhat. But hasn’t fully. We were ostracized, not invited to neighbourhood BBQs etc. Even specifically told as unvaxed we should not come. I didn’t care. I had already lost a group whom I believed were my friends. I had no illusions as to how loyal they would be to me in a crisis.
Your name is new to me, Mary, but your story isn't. It's a horrific time in academia and the liberal arts, especially for women. It feels like living through a real-life Milgram experiment. I'm retired from HE now, so I'm one of the lucky ones. But for what it's worth, you have my solidarity and support.
I asked someone conducting an anti-racist class after they triggered some deep seated childhood trauma, if she was conducting a Milgram experiment. She was not. It was scary. I walked away. It was a horrific experience. The groupthink was ironclad. It’s really fucked up because I am a deeply compassionate person who treats everyone I encounter as my equal.
And I know for all of their talk of power over, power under and power with, that one’s true source of power comes from within oneself.
This really got to me. It’s powerfully written and my heart broke for the author. I too am an adult human female and I hope the author knows there are many of us out here who agree with her stance and admire her courage. I live too far away, on the east coast of Canada, but if I lived in Portland, I would like to meet the author for a coffee. I would listen and say, “You are not alone.”
So you are hated for having a brain, thinking for yourself and having morals? I am sorry you have to experience this but being an independent, intelligent, and self sufficient woman has become a target, especially if you’re white!
I for one admire your courage and standing up for yourself. Wishing you all that is good but also suggest you leave the Hell Hole Portland has become. Seek an area of free thought and speech. Good luck.
On top of everything else written here in this excellent essay, there's another element:
The complete cowardice and lack of integrity of our professional (former) peers.
Specifically, people who support privately but shun publicly; people who never have and never will stick their necks out, who watch the witchburnings on the sidelines from the comfort of their careers.
They "agree" with you, but won't associate with you.
They want you to take the arrows for them.
They see the madness and the damage done to people's lives and to the industry as a whole, but they do nothing.
They say nothing. They risk nothing. They lose nothing.
Because at their core they ARE nothing.
People like you and Mary need to start your own non-woke theatre company! So many talented people now sidelined because they refused to join this weird new religion.
My wife and I would go there!
Yes. Please do this. I’ll help.
I would fling money at that!! 💚💚💚
Yes, yes, yes to this!!!!
Thank you so much for your bravery and your wisdom--so many of us have had similar or identical experiences; I ask myself constantly whether some of my old friends, or former friends, are scared, are truly brainwashed, or just confused. Were I to pretend to go along with grotesque notions of the meaning of "whiteness" or with other notions I find bizarre, I know I'd feel worse. The price is loneliness. But there's always humor--it helps. Or at least a strong sense of the absurd. I think all this, too, shall pass.
Right on Melissa. I too wonder what has happened to people, including family members. Well, its not as though this hasnt happened before on the history of the world - people taken in by an ideology. But i never thought it could happen here in this country- and the level of intolerance is alarming. I think about it a lot. Your writing, and the writing of Mary Mac and others is like a lifeline for me. Its the right thing to do and it will make a difference in the larger scheme of things.
Many thanks! I think we're back where we were during McCarthyism! In some ways things are getting better--I always feel if I could just get people to hold a conversation instead of telling me I'm a TERF/transphobe/Racist/brainwashed by conservatives . . . and a few other choice insults I seem to be blotting out at the moment--if I could get people to talk, things would be better.
Ah, yes. The ultimate slurs: magat, conservative, racist, homophobe, transphobe. Sigh. While it still stings to be told you are nothing, sadly these words are losing their meaning such to the point that when we actually might witness bad behaviour, we have nothing to call it.
Yes--tragic but absurd. David Sedaris, yoo-hoo! You could write an essay about this!
Totally agree.
I experienced a similar kind of ostracism in 2022 from people in the music scene I was part of, and since then I've found it very hard to get enthusiastic about music at all. Speaking up when you know something is wrong really does take its toll
How much is your soul worth? Because that's the price of remaining silent.
I agree - pronouns are the entry point of cancel culture. No one should cosset the narcissistic and ego-centric users of "personalized pronouns". In particular, there is no historical or linguistic support for the "singular they".
Do not give in on "personalized pronouns". Do not allow others to compel your speech.
The pronoun theatre and the demands of the "trans community" that follow directly on from that are the perfect totalitarian foot in the door.
It seems so small and silly. "Lead eirh your heart, not with your head," as Mary's former friend extolls her. It's no big deal, right? You're just being supportive, loving every individual as they are.
Except you're not. You're being challenged to ignore basic reality. One of the fundamentally given aspects of human nature. Look to the early Genesis narratives.
Once you deny something so fundamental, you are prey for any and every lie they wish to perpetrate on you, or anyone else.
Thank you, Mary, for sharing your story of courage and struggle.
Voltaire: "Those who require that you agree to absurdities can make you accept atrocities"
Perfect, thank you.
Yes, the more people ignore reality/facts and allow themselves to be emotionally manipulated, the more susceptible they are to propaganda and psychological manipulation.
Moral Courage – doing what has to be done, because it is the right thing to do – is the mark of a true hero” is a quote by Thomas G. Kelley, a recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor and a Vietnam War veteran.
Without people like you, we would have no hope. You are braver than you know, and I am grateful. All the way down here in Mississippi.
Bravo Mary! Thank you for writing such an honest and brave essay. I am so sorry to read about the terrible things that happened to you. You are an inspiration to me and I hope we get a chance to work together on a project one day. ❤️
I decided some time back if anyone insisted I use pronouns, I was going to go with "we" and defy anyone to cancel my choice. Who are they to determine what pronouns are acceptable? We perfectly captures the multifaceted aspects of the human personality and does not cage you in a box of their making. Note I'm being only slightly sarcastic here. They've handed us weapons...it's up to us to use them against them.
Sadly, this kind of thing is all too common the arts (performance, writing, you name it). And "friends" like that are also becoming far too common. If someone is going to jettison you as a friend because you don't happen to follow their particular orthodoxy, they weren't really your friend to begin with.
That's the part that hurts the most though. When you thought they were your friends and it turns out that they were never were. It's disorienting. Devastating.
Yes. I literally have four real friends left….at least for now.
Yeah, but what if its a family member?!
I've had to cut off family members, too. If it's conduct you wouldn't tolerate or accept from a friend, why should family get a pass? Just because you're related doesn't mean they have the automatic right to abuse you or disrespect you.
I have experience with this. You follow Solzhenitsyn's advice and live not by lies. Continue to care about the person, and show that you do. Avoid the contentious subjects when possible, and give short, truthful answers when they push into contentioius territory. And when they shun you, let them. But don't be the one to shun them. Some day they may be grateful that you were the one person who didn't lie to them. It really does happen.
Thank you for a well-considered and articulate front lines accounting.
So sorry this has happened to you. I figured it would happen to me as well, so I took myself out, I saw it coming during the pandemic. I worked in live events, music & tv production for years. I went back to school right before the world shut down to get a certification in technical theater, I saw so much going on that was just creepy, grifty and down right illegal during that stretch. I still see it as I still lurk there & have friends still working. When I saw the USITT doing land acknowledgments before an online meeting regarding professional advice, I just logged out, as an indigenous person I found it patronizing & insulting. It isn't like they are going to give anything back and this was not appropriate for what we were meeting on which was salary negotiation. It is sad I miss my friends I made over the years but I am done. I do wonder if I should start to talk about what is going there on but I do also wonder how much I will be targeted for doing so. Keep doing what you do.
I was in a cult once. The cognitive dissonance grew and grew until finally I left. I was shunned by my former friends. It was a good experience. It made me realize who shallow most relationships are. I’m When COVID came around I had already been off Pharma, about 95%. I didn’t lose friends over my stances. As everyone knew I wouldn’t be getting vaxed. I didn’t lose any friends as I knew all along they were only acquaintances. My wife though is very social, very group oriented. It was devastating to her. She got over it somewhat. But hasn’t fully. We were ostracized, not invited to neighbourhood BBQs etc. Even specifically told as unvaxed we should not come. I didn’t care. I had already lost a group whom I believed were my friends. I had no illusions as to how loyal they would be to me in a crisis.
Thank you for writing this, it is an important article.
Your name is new to me, Mary, but your story isn't. It's a horrific time in academia and the liberal arts, especially for women. It feels like living through a real-life Milgram experiment. I'm retired from HE now, so I'm one of the lucky ones. But for what it's worth, you have my solidarity and support.
I asked someone conducting an anti-racist class after they triggered some deep seated childhood trauma, if she was conducting a Milgram experiment. She was not. It was scary. I walked away. It was a horrific experience. The groupthink was ironclad. It’s really fucked up because I am a deeply compassionate person who treats everyone I encounter as my equal.
And I know for all of their talk of power over, power under and power with, that one’s true source of power comes from within oneself.
This is an amazing article. I don't know Mary McDonald-Lewis, but she is clearly one of the heroes of this cultural war.
This really got to me. It’s powerfully written and my heart broke for the author. I too am an adult human female and I hope the author knows there are many of us out here who agree with her stance and admire her courage. I live too far away, on the east coast of Canada, but if I lived in Portland, I would like to meet the author for a coffee. I would listen and say, “You are not alone.”
Thanks for your moving testimony.